Why Warner Bros. Should or Shouldn’t Hand Me Batman Franchise

I’d take it to some dark places and show America it’s true self.

First off, let me show you who I’d cast.

Ethan Suplee would play Bruce Wayne/Batman. The guy plays it dumb on the very popular My Name is Earl as Randy, Earl’s stoopid but loveable brother, but I’d have him play it more like Slingblade, play it straight and not for laughs. His main motive for being Batman is to find an imaginary figure he calls the Joker.

Ethan Suplee as Bruce Wayne/Batman

This one’s the star of the show. George Clooney would play Alfred, the Obi-Wan to the Luke, the Qui-Gonn to the Obi. It’s a fact that Alfred used to be part of the OSS, an intelligence agency now known as the CIA. I’d play the story out around Alfred having to cover up all the blunders that Bruce carries out. It’d be a real tragic story, not a lubby dubby thing, kinda like Of Mice and Men. Plus, there’s a wink-wink to Clooney being an original Batman.

George Clooney as Alfred Pennysworth

Ed Norton would play Detective Jim Gordon, tracking down a string of murders (wait for it… committed by Batman). This Gordon can’t be a nerd like in Nolan’s thing. He’s tracked down Hannibal Lecter for Christ’s sake.

Ed Norton as Gordon

And since WB hasn’t used the Riddler officially as a go-to crystal ball medium gimmick in their Batman franchise, I’d put a Riddler type in there to aid Gordon in discovering the identity of Gotham’s serial killer. Joseph Gordon-Levitt would play him, undoubtedly. And the twist would be that he’s actually Gordon’s brother. There will be some kind of flashback showing Gordon putting his bro-bro into Arkham Asylum and him having internal conflict and dramatic stuff like that.

JGL as Riddler

And those are the major players. Anybody else is generic and can be played by anyone.

The story ends, of course, in a realistic sense and that it has “real-life” consequences. Gordon tracks down Batman right before he commits another murder and has a shoot out with Alfred (because Alfred’s always lurking in the shadows to cover up his adopted son’s shite). Ultimately, Gordon shoots Batman dead.

And wait for it, here’s the money shot:

Alfred sobbing and craddling Batman’s, unmasked, dead corpse in his arms, a parallel to Bruce craddling his dead parents that night that made him the Batman. And Gordon, looking at the two, is saddened by this. He visits his brother at Arkham and they exchange poetic shit about family and love. Then Riddler says something cryptic. Cut to black.

Man, I should give myself an Oscar. This stuff is awesomesauce.

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